The Train Wreck modified

It happens so fast. Some apparently normal, innocuous activity turns into hellish emotional upheaval. When the panic happens, it feels like a sickening carnival ride - you just want to get off but you aren't in control. Other times it's like standing in a bubble in the middle of a tornado where you can see all the debris flying and there's not a thing you can do but watch, and still all you want to do is leaved

For me and others, The Problem becomes a pattern of inappropriate reactions. Inappropriate? To who? Inappropriate to anyone present who is unaware of the broken switch on the tracks. For the person with trauma scars, regardless of how inappropriate, unwelcome, and painful these reactions are, they seem to be the only option, and past all control.

So what if the switch can be fixed? Why does the switch engage? How can we see the switch coming and stay off the miserable siding? If emotions and psychological scars were as concrete as train tracks, boy wouldn't it be easier. But it might be a valuable analogy just the same...lending some concrete visuals to a very cloudy reality.

If you aren't in control, who is? It's likely not who, it's what - your thoughts. Your memories of the trauma, your scarred recall of some moment, some other point of now. It might run like a video in your mind of an event or pattern of behavior, it might be a parent's voice in your head or feel like a tightness in your chest. It has an influence whether you know better or not. So relating it to the train tracks, can you take control of the switch?

Who, what, or where is the switch? What starts the pattern of panic for you? When do things go from fine to out of control? Even if you can't imagine another way to deal with the panic, look at it for what it is. Put good and bad aside for a moment. Make observations about what happens when you find you can't go down the track to where you want to go. Do you play a tape in your mind about similar situations in your past? Do you become afraid of someone or something that is no longer able to hurt or scare you? Why are you afraid now? If you can answer some of these questions, you will know more about the siding you end up on with your head in your hands.

Be ready to feel uncomfortable with staying on the tracks. If you've never done it before it will seem strange and unfamiliar, and that in itself can be unpleasant. The track you were on isn't any more perfect on the far side of the switch than it is before it. Take it slow, and don't worry about right and wrong, good and bad. Focus on your breathing, on your body and emotions, and your thoughts will be easier to keep on track. The observations you made in a neutral situation as you examined the switch and the siding will help you pass by the threatening thoughts and old behaviors. They might call to you loudly from the siding, but soon enough you will leave them behind.

Get back on the train. Pick up a little speed as you choose a direction and plan for the journey. Fuel up with things you need, and when signs appear that a switch might lie ahead, watch for the control. Reaching for it too early might slow you down a little at first, but over time you will be able to make the adjustment very smoothly. On the signal will be what you've observed to be your triggers - insecurity, exhaustion, learned reactions to things that worked when you were a child but don't work for an adult - and your new awareness will help you reach for the switch when you need to stay off the siding.

Observe yourself when you feel the old shadow creeping over. Watch yourself react to people and events, reflect on options that might make outcomes more acceptable. Keep it all very simple - complicated will not be helpful here. Your awareness is often more than enough.