adjustments

Right now. That's all we ever really have. Yesterday is out of reach, and so is tomorrow. Squeezed down (made to fit in a smaller box), it still works - I can't have the last five minutes back. What will I do with the next five?

It takes a lot of flexibility to be able to live that way. I get stuck in a rut, time seems to slip away and I feel dead. I let go too much and drama and muddlement take over and I feel abused. (By the same token) My body stays flexible if I am disciplined enough to exercise every day. (just as) My mind stays flexible if I make the effort to notice myself every moment, to use my intelligence to manage my thoughts(, which are not the same things. Your intelligence is much more powerful than your thoughts. Like when you think about some problem for a very long time and then the solution just happens once you stop trying so hard to think about it.) Sounds just as easy as exercise, right? Oh, exercise is not easy to commit to every day?

So adjustments can be made (I don't have to stay in the rut, and I don't have to be pushed and pulled by drama). When I follow my thoughts, I eat too much ice cream and work too hard (because of thoughts like 'it's just a little bit of ice cream' or 'I'll eat less tomorrow', and 'it will just take a little time to get this done and then later when I have time I'll be able to enjoy sitting still' or 'this NEEDS to be done right now, and no one else can do it'. I get chubby, and tired. (When) I notice that I'm chubby and tired, and I can take control and make adjustments (by using my intelligence to make appropriate changes), or I can continue to be chubby and tired (by continuing in the original thought pattern). I can even talk myself into settling for chubby and tired until something comes along that might make me thinner and perky without my effort. Like that might happen.

Random events aside, I have a lot of control over my life. Often I don't want control. It requires effort, and it might even require bravery, new skills, change, and facing facts. Sometimes I just don't believe in myself enough (to take responsibility for controlling my life) - my faith (in myself and in the soul God gave me) falters. This is when I have found faith to be most important, and believing that an omnipotent high power made me with everything I need, already in place, makes all the difference. Even if I just believe a little bit, or maybe just hope a little bit that I believe in something true - and already there's the bravery (believing in what you cannot know fully and acting in spite of the fear) that my intelligence revealed to me (not my thoughts - they reveal nothing - my intelligence allows me to act in spite of fear) in a moment of reflection (when) noticing myself (thinking about my creation and my Creator, the perfection of my soul...). Did you see it happen there? (Did the parenthesis help?)

Well, I might be seeing things, but it's my blog and I'll imagine if I want to. :)