Do I go on?

All it takes is a subject and the slightest bit of mojo. Whatever that is. It's important, though, because if it isn't there the subject gets murky, lost, and confused. Nobody wants to read that.

I got the brilliant idea once that I could run a lumber yard. It turns out it wasn't as crazy as it seemed, but it doesn't mean I pulled it off, either. It's been almost seven years since I mustered the mojo to say my idea out loud. It's been some over two years since I left my home, my kids, and my marriage. A year before that I gave up on my part at the lumber yard. Oddly enough, striking out to buy a 'man's ' business in a remote Montana town was one of the greatest things I've ever done. It just turned out way different than I had hoped or planned.

Hindsight is so clear. My first misjudgment (in the realm of this subject) was who I chose to open the conversation with. You would think your dad would be everyone's first choice, a logical and wise first choice. Oh contraire. However, to be fair, the entire thing would not have materialized in less than three months had I chosen anyone else in the world. To continue the fairness, it probably would have been better in the end if it would have taken six months or three years to reach full throttle.

Within a month there was a full-blown business plan, two lenders, an asset purchase proposal, and a new briefcase (which Dad told me I wouldn't like, I should have bought one with hard sides. Sometimes we just can't see the signs for the road.) My concern was that I had two young children at home and would not be able to run a great lumber yard, no matter how small the town, without some help. It was important to find at least two people that I trusted, that had some knowledge of hardware, lumber, and customer service, and that could work full time and full tilt. Right?

It was very important, but it was not accomplished. Now, I've been in a canoe before. You know that moment when the other guy stands up in the canoe and you are very sure things are going to get difficult? What you do in that moment is key to how things end up for YOU, isn't it. If you don't take instant and decisive action, you are going to be under an upturned canoe without a paddle. (At least if you are just up the creek chances are you're still dry.) Your passenger either sits down NOW or goes overboard NOW if you are going to stay in the canoe. Well, I got in the canoe with people who not only insisted on standing up in it, but defended the wisdom of doing so.

Now a good long talk before putting in would have prevented this kind of problem, right? Signing reems of papers with your sister, your husband, and your mom and dad is nothing to be scared of, right? Having meetings and sharing the plans on paper would be a good way to get everything ironed out, right? Well, as with many great outdoor adventures, there is often plenty of convincing bluster to make embarking seem like a good idea to the guy who ends up packing the firewood.

When I get to this part, just over the threshold of the beginning, I bog down. Things went wrong on so many levels. It's where I slipped under the metaphorical canoe and began to tread water. I knew everyone was still there, I just couldn't see, and everything sounded far away. But I had to keep treading, and in reality that is what I did for the next four years. I lost twenty pounds and reached a weight I hadn't been since 7th grade. I discovered I had a thyroid condition, and I had my gall bladder removed within a month of my first big bidding project and Homecoming. I thought I was going to die. And despite all the personal turmoil, I was running a lumber yard. Successfully. Loans approved, property acquired, inventory stocked, accounting system - well, this one never did get put right. To be honest, it never was right. There was never a firm agreement about how to keep the books, or about the heirarchy. (The manager? The president? The leader? CONSENSUS? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!!) Customers were coming from everywhere, vendors came knocking, six more businesses opened in town. Houses available for sale dove from over 50 to four in two years. I'm not taking credit - I'm just saying things were going well once I had good help that first summer. Good help couldn't make up for screwy partners, though.